“Nobody Wants That” Season 1 Episode 9 recap

Well, Joanne couldn't avoid this forever. Amidst all the drama over conversion and her heated argument with Morgan over Noah, it's time for Joanne to face Bina Roklov face-to-face. Strap your loins.

To be honest, Joanne doesn't seem all that nervous. Sure, she wants everything to go well, since Noah makes it clear to her how important his parents are to him and how well he wants things to go – no pressure or anything, dude – but she seems to accept it, herself to be and allow whether people like it whether it is their problem or not. Her own parents offer very little useful advice about this important milestone in their relationship. Lynn says her meeting with Henry's parents was “easy.” “That’s because they were both already dead,” her ex-husband reminds her. They also have no real advice regarding converting to Judaism. When she tells them that Noah asked, she actually has to explain what words like “convert” and “Judaism” mean. Her mother's only response is, “Oh, that's fun. Is it? I don't know.” Lynn is my stay or die, and that's even before we learn that she ignores all jury summonses because she “always sides with the defendant.”

Lynn and Henry may not offer any help when it comes to Joanne's relationship with Noah, but they are very concerned about the fight between their two daughters. “I feel my uterus tearing in two,” she tells them as they realize they have fallen into their parents’ trap. This ambush does nothing to ease the tension between them: Joanne still believes that Morgan is a liar who lies, and Morgan still believes that her sister is crazy for a man, which is not a serious option. (And still very hurt about her sister calling her desperate)

Joanne may think Morgan is lying, but we know she's telling the truth because immediately after that explosion, Morgan calls her friend Sasha to find out what's going on with Noah. She tells him the same thing she told Joanne: who told Rebecca that they would definitely get back together. Sasha doesn't believe it – Noah tells him everything. “Oh, what if he’s hiding this from me? “That’s a hard pill to swallow,” my husband says, making the point that it’s about him. It still seems completely out of character (and out of keeping with the tone of this show) for Noah to cheer for Joanne, but Morgan is adamant that Rebecca told her that. Something nefarious is afoot, my friends!

For now, the truth will surely come to light at some point: The Main Event. Joanne seems confident as she drives to the Roklov mansion. Noah has bought a gift for her to give to his mother because he knows what she will like, but Joanne refuses – she has her own gift and she will make it.

She doesn't get to the point. Joanne brought a beautiful custom charcuterie board…which definitely has pork on it. Although Joanne swears prosciutto is fancy Italian beef, Joanne is completely wrong. She asks if they could just eat around it, but none of it is kosher, the ham spoiled the whole thing. Bina immediately has her housekeeper throw it in the trash. (Noah's gift is perfect, of course.) The sausage incident, coupled with Bina watching Joanne and Noah make out on his childhood (four-poster) bed, makes for a difficult start.

It's a difficult start, at least for Joanne. Esther, on the other hand, loves it. Since all of Bina's contempt is focused on the new girl, Esther has suddenly become a valued daughter-in-law. Bina even lets her get that, cut the cucumbers in her kitchen. Esther looks like she's about to faint when her mother-in-law utters the words “I trust you.”

Things escalate when the family sits down for brunch, especially because Joanne refuses to pretend to be someone she is not to make her acceptable, and Bina has no qualms about judging Joanne's life choices. Things take a turn when Bina starts asking about the podcast. She can't believe people actually pay to hear something like that. “Yes, that’s how I earn my money,” Joanna replies, letting the insult roll off her back. “How do you make your money?” she asks. I'm surprised no one else is choking at this table. Nobody ever talks to Bina like that. Bina chimes in and talks about how busy she was with raising her children and how important that is, instead of talking about “all my former lovers for public consumption.” When she finally says how embarrassing it is and says, “No woman should behave like that,” the unthinkable happens: Noah stands up to his mother to defend his girlfriend. “Mom, enough,” he snaps at her. There is dead silence in the room as Bina apologizes. “Oh my God, I will remember this moment for the rest of my life,” Esther exclaims. She knows full well that no one will care now that it's her fault that they aren't allowed to drink red wine in this house. Esther is alive.

Joanne knows it's between her and Bina, so she's the one who gets up and checks on her in the kitchen. Listen, I don't really like this Nobody wants that leans into the cliche of the no-nonsense, meddling Jewish mother here, but if that's what we have to go through to give us that moment between Kristen Bell and Tovah Feldshuh where Joanne catches her boyfriend's mother in the act Prosciutto hidden in her kitchen then so be it, I guess. Bina has been caught and Joanne immediately knows that she now has the upper hand. Oh, she could defeat her so much, but instead she uses that power to force Bina to be nice to her. The joy on her face as she pulls her back to the table and calls her “my girl, Bina” is adorable to see. Kristen Bell gets every comedic drop out of this whole constellation. Joanne will cover for Bina as long as Bina acts nice.

Next, Joanne drinks a glass of red wine and Bina asks her real questions about her podcast. The pact seems particularly sealed when Sasha walks out and announces that someone actually ate all the prosciutto and Joanne takes the hit. Yes, even though the entire charcuterie board was thrown in the trash. She's not proud of it, she says, but admits she “fished it out of the trash and ate it like a raccoon.” Bina has a lot to be grateful for. And yet, by the end of the afternoon, she really seems to be convinced by Joanne. When Joanne tells her that she hasn't married yet because she's “a hopeless romantic – she just hasn't found the right mother-in-law yet,” Bina laughs so hard that Sasha asks if she's having a stroke; He's never seen his mother laugh so earnestly. She's made such a turnaround on the podcast thing that she now thinks she might make a good guest. Noah confirms that his mother is a great storyteller and every story has a lesson. Bina begins a long-winded story about the first time she was in New York City with her grandmother who had a cold, and Bina ends up alone at the hotel bar. It ends with “Anyway, Frank Sinatra got me drunk and then he stuck his thumb in my mouth.” Confused, horrified, perhaps impressed, Noah asks what the lesson is from this story: “Keep your mouth shut Frank.” Honestly, you know Bina would be a great podcast guest. Register them! She's definitely better than that Aura guy.

Either Bina is a good actress or she chose Joanne because the rest of the brunch goes smoothly.

It turns out it's a little bit of both. When Bina sees Joanne alone to say goodbye, she tells her that she is surprised that she likes Joanne much more than she ever thought, and then pulls her close: “But you'll never end up with my son.” Just as I was thinking Nobody wants that I wanted to do something different with this character, we're back to square one.

Hey, at least Joanne won't be traveling with her sister much longer. Luckily, Sasha's success rate at keeping secrets is zero percent, because over the course of brunch our man learns two very important pieces of information. First, Esther reveals that Rebecca framed Morgan – she knew exactly who Morgan was all along and made up all these lies about her and Noah just to piss them off. Sasha is of course sworn to secrecy by his wife; On the way out, however, he hears how bad the fight between Joanne and Morgan over Rebecca was. He's the only one who knows the whole story and there's no way this guy can keep it to himself. He's just too nice and this gossip is just too juicy.