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Does Cleveland really rock? 5 Things We Don't Like About It (And Some We Do)

Posted on by Vanessa
Does Cleveland really rock? 5 Things We Don't Like About It (And Some We Do)

Here in Detroit, we know a thing or two about underdog cities in the Midwest, so we can't attack Cleveland too hard as the Tigers prepare to face the Guardians in the American League Division Series. The best-of-five competition begins Saturday at Progressive Field in The Land.

“The Country.” Ugh, is that really what people call it? That's just one of our criticisms of Cleveland, which is two and a half hours south and east of us, just around the bend from Lake Erie.

But even Cleveland, long derided in pop culture, has a lot to like, just as Detroit has had a lot to offer over the years. (But at least we never had to suffer the nickname “The Mistake by the Lake.”)

In fairness, here are five things that even Clevelanders would admit could use a little work, and five things we really like about Cleveland. In the end, we're probably more similar than we'd like to admit (and we both have a billionaire benefactor in Dan Gilbert).

Five things not to like about Cleveland

“The country”: Terrible nickname, doesn't roll off the tongue at all. What do you mean by “The Country”? Yes, Cleveland ends with countrywe understand it. But “The Land?” All land is land. It's so non-specific it's hilarious. Do better, try harder.

Cleveland's Rock 'n' Roll History: OK, yes, the city has the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, because the term “rock and roll” was coined in Cleveland in the early 1950s by radio DJ Alan Freed. Respect is due. But that's a pretty tenuous connection to hold on to, and there are plenty of cities – including Detroit – that have contributed far more to the rock 'n' roll and pop music canon than Cleveland. Can the Rock Hall please be swapped to another city?

The food scene: Foodies and restaurant influencers aren't flocking to Cleveland. There are no recent James Beard Award-winning restaurants or chefs in the city, although the Polish-American Sokolowski's University Inn won a James Beard America's Classic award a decade ago. Like Detroit and many other flyover cities in Central America, Cleveland is a place not even considered in the Michelin Guide. The Ohio city isn't really known for any particular cuisine, but like many other Rust Belt cities, Americanized Polish, Irish and Italian dishes abound. Also read our section on the city's most famous culinary name Chef Boyardee.

The Jack: Cleveland has exactly one casino and it's the Jack. Aside from the silly name, the property doesn't have an on-site hotel, spa, or high-end steakhouse, all of which can be found in at least one of Detroit's three casinos. (The Jack does work with nearby hotels and restaurants, however.) The Jack also has a lower Google rating than Detroit gambling establishments, with one recent reviewer calling it a “miserable experience.” “The buffet is sloppy and the toilets are terrible,” wrote another visitor.

The Browns: Look, we know all about NFL franchises that have had a tough time. But at least the Lions weren't taken away from us like the Browns were from 1995-99. Along with the Lions, the Browns are on the short list of active NFL franchises that have never won a Super Bowl. But none of that excuses the orange and brown color combinations on their uniforms, two colors that go together like orange juice and toothpaste. Get it out of our sight!

Five things to like about Cleveland

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: Forget the fact that the Rock Hall is even in Cleveland. And forget the fact that the actual voting process for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is secretive and insidious, if not outright corrupt. That being said, the building itself is a great place to spend a day admiring artifacts from throughout rock and roll history. If you're going to have a rock hall, you might as well do it well, and the rock hall does it well.

“Cleveland Rocks”: Cleveland specifically not Rock, which is what makes this 1979 Ian Hunter classic such a great civic anthem. It's a tongue-in-cheek nod to the city and the fact that it's not Paris or even the Paris of the Midwest, but it has its charms. A 1997 cover of the Presidents of the United States of America became the theme for Cleveland-based “The Drew Carey Show,” introducing the song to a new generation of listeners and viewers who were immediately hooked on the joke.

Halle Berry: Detroit is known for its Motown stars Jack White, Eminem, Big Sean, JK Simmons and many more to name, but it's fair to say that Halle Berry is a national treasure, and she hails straight from Cleveland . The same goes for Paul Newman, Kid Cudi, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Arsenio Hall, Tracy Chapman, “SNL” alums Molly Shannon and Vanessa Bayer, WWE's The Miz and social media influencers Logan and Jake Paul . Okay, the Paul Brothers are questionable, but the rest is on pretty solid ground and Cleveland was kind enough to share them with the world.

Blossom Music Center: Located about 45 minutes outside of the city (just like Pine Knob is about 45 minutes outside of Detroit), Cleveland's answer to Pine Knob is a lovely outdoor music venue with a lot of history (it dates back to 1968) that has hosted everyone From Pink Floyd to Pearl Jam to hometown Nine Inch Nails over the years. It's an easy jaunt from Metro Detroit for a quick road trip to catch a band on somewhat foreign soil.

Chef Boyardee: If you've ever had Chef Boyardee – and who hasn't? – You have Cleveland to thank. The canned pasta company was founded by Hector Boiardi, who opened his first restaurant, Il Giardino d'Italia, in Cleveland 100 years ago. It was so popular that people wanted to know his recipe, and eventually he began selling his pasta in cans and opened a factory in Milton, Pennsylvania. But Cleveland is his home, which means everyone has had a taste of Cleveland at some point in their lives.

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