Don't mess with the creature called Test Cricket

That's why Chinnaswamy's gatekeepers tried to prevent spectators from entering the stadium for as long as possible this morning. They had read the chai leaves and recognized the omens gripping Test cricket and were just trying to save thousands from the pain. Nevertheless, we threatened to tear down the gates, shouted and demanded entry. Maybe what happened is all on us – India's worst day of Test cricket at home.

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These signs and omens? Three days ago, Gautam Gambhir said that if his team “can play the natural game, if they can get 400-500 runs in a day, why not?” We will play it like this: high risk, high reward; High risk, high failure… There will be days when we get bundled for 100.” 100 today wouldn't have been great. A day before the match, BCCI and other associated social media accounts celebrated the fact that New Zealand had not won a Test in India in 35 years.

You don't do that. It seems to be a trendy in-ya-face-ya-cup confidence that is going viral on the internet and yes, definitely try it out in white-ball cricket. But please avoid messing with the demanding, temperamental creature called Test cricket, which has been around for almost 150 years anyway, longer than you, me and all our wiseguys. In his vocabulary, anything viral is a disease that needs to be fought. Yes, Kanpur was wonderfully crazy and wonderfully crazy, leading to “India saves Test cricket” headlines for many, but what happens in Kanpur should fundamentally stay in Kanpur.

Not being transported to Bangalore in one day with two halves, actually more like a third, two thirds. One third in Nottingham on a grey, dreary day, with the ball talking, biting and sniffing. Two thirds in Kotla during the graveyard shift, with bright sunshine and urban kites circling over the bleached bones of the Indian first innings.

There was confusion all around the Chinnaswamy P Terrace as the Indian innings imploded in the face of a New Zealand attack that drew momentum from the air, bounce from the wicket and help from a surface that had been sweating for days. First, why did we hit? Secondly, what was that batting order like? Third: What kind of blow was that? Yasser from Melbourne is here just for this one day of testing and is flying out tomorrow. Dhruv has traveled from Delhi to watch this single Test of the series. Everyone has a right to know.

According to reports from the press box, the wicket had not been watered for a few days before the Test. It would be dry and break, hence three spinners and New Zealand bats in fourth. There is scornful mockery – planning the other team's fourth inning before considering how to meaningfully get through the first session. When wickets fall, the batting order resembles scrambled eggs. After the openings, no one is where they should be and before you know it, everyone is lost. As sharp as the bowling and fielding are, the mistakes are just as bad: some caused by sustained pressure and the frozen scoreboard, others by strange shot selection. We rate them by severity: Jadeja's lunchtime flapper flick wins in terms of situation, timing and execution. Every New Zealand run under the sun pierces the heart – a reminder of what India would have faced had they kept their heads.

Heads, hearts, everything is agitated. Names from the past are invoked – 'Chepu', 'Puji', 'Pujaraa-Rahaane-man' and a few gaffes in WWDD What Would Dravid Do (If he were still a coach, he might throw a chair or two). Arms are waved and heads are nodded towards the media box where Sunil Gavaskar was seen sitting in a corner between stints. His mantra, “Give the bowlers the first session,” is said like a prayer.

At the start of New Zealand's innings, Tom Latham is dismissed by Siraj at KL Rahul's second slip. From the huge replay, it appears that Rahul reacted too late, his head jerking away from the ball and his hands flailing at the ball as it flew past. Abhijeet in the row behind me calls it the best: “KL Rahul bats at second slip.” Staggering out of the line of these long Kiwi pacers.

Everyone around us is laughing, there's no point in crying. There's more to come: chances fall short or are wasted, stumpings whiz past or are missed, a yes-no-maybe between batters is lost as Jadeja fires the ball to the end without danger. Rishabh Pant limps away in pain. Nothing is going well for India today because the country is starting on the wrong note.

At the end of the day, permutations and combinations are formulated to save the game. Rain? There is a lot of grumbling. What will we do in BGT? Better here than at the Gabba, Baba. I get a message, better now than in the finale. WTC final, of course. Indian cricket fans will never stop dreaming forward.

But if New Zealand don't take the chance to win this Test, it will be another 35 years before the next chance comes. Who knows, by then Test cricket itself could… you know the rest. Another prophecy is hard to ignore. Lalith commuted for an hour and a half to get to the ground in time for the toss before realizing the gates were closed. Wait and see, he says, the wickets for the next two Tests (Pune and Mumbai) will be ranked players. India wins 2-1, everyone forgets 46 points.

Suddenly another group of Gambhirim comes to mind. As of 2012, after losing seven consecutive away Tests in England, he says: “As soon as these people come to India, we shouldn't hesitate to do gymnastics… and (see what happens) with the kind of chatter they do when we go overseas.” and they talk about our techniques.” Does anyone take bets on Pune and Mumbai?