How the Rangers were overtaken and overtaken by Florida

The difference between the Rangers and the Panthers can be summed up in two words.

Florida=CHAMPS! New York = CHUMPS!! The Blue Shirts met a real enemy last night at The Garden.

The best thing you can say about the Rangers is pretty simple. It wasn't nice that some 19,000 guests donated ridiculous amounts of money to millionaire players who appeared to be engaged in a 60-minute séance.

In fact, it was pretty disgusting if you look at it as a statement game. The motto was there for everyone: Show your home fans that you're more than just a (yawn) contender for the Presidents' Trophy.

One by one, The Maven offers a short Looney Tune version of the spectacle: about a dozen local skaters auditioning for the role of Elmer Fudd.

1. GOALKEEPING: Stingy goalkeeper Igor Shesterkin thinks he should be the highest paid goalkeeper in the league. NO! A thousand times, NO! As in the playoffs, Sergei Bobrovsky has surpassed Iggy, is the best and has proven it in the most famous arena in the world. Shesty couldn't make it on the big stage; Bobby showed how.

2. COACHING: Paul Maurice got his Panthers on stage for the game and they performed like they were in the third round of the playoffs. Peter Laviolette took his club to exhibition level and there they stayed. With a six-on-four lead late in the third period, the Blueshirts ended up playing hopscotch – and not winning the hockey. There are no points for this.

3. PLAYER: Incredibly, not a single Rangers made it into the post-game Three-Star Selection. Only people from Florida. “It wasn’t like we played our first six games,” Adam Fox expressed his brilliance. “Yes,” said Florida reporter Alan Greenberg, “the Rangers had enjoyed inferior competition before.” At least they can devour the Ducks on Seventh Avenue tomorrow night.

4. STRATEGY: The Champs defeated the Chumps just like they did in the playoffs. They controlled the Rangers closely and made breakouts difficult. “The first two goals in Florida,” Greenberg added, “were forced giveaways.” The Cats play tough hockey. Blueshirt body checker Jacob Trouba had a minus 1. (Hello, Jake!)

5. Deceptive Stories: Of course, the players read the media – print and electronic – and came to the conclusion that this group, which never won the Cup, was the greatest thing since the gyrocopter. Ah, but until I'm told otherwise, Floridians are the greatest thing since the helicopter.

So here are the final words of wisdom from The Maven. Don't tell me, “It's just a game.” Don't tell me the Rangers have a good chance at the President's Trophy.

This game was a litmus test to determine how New York would perform against superior competition. And if you still don't know, check out Lavvy's generous quotes elsewhere. Or to put it in six words: The loss was an unnecessary kick in the pants for 19,000 eager witnesses!