The clueless TBS made the Yankees-Guardians ALCS unwatchable

Today we're pausing to express our eternal thanks to TBS for allowing us a few brief, presumably live moments from the last unwatchable inning of Thursday's Yankees-Guardians playoff game.

Until these final glimpses, it was a mystery – whatever that means – whether TBS had any idea what was going on down on the field, as the national broadcaster was busy scanning the stands for close-up shots of fans to deliver. Many pray for the team with their eyes closed, deep in spiritual devotion, or at least meditate for the religion of their choice.

Choose a praying fan! Choose 10! TBS has found scores to choose from!

Yes, standard, live sports television at major 21st century events. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing out of thoughtless habit, like sitting on a bench with a “Wet Paint” sign just because.

The gaming networks are buying billions of dollars to broadcast them exclusively on television? No!

Show everyone else in the ballpark what we just turned on. Use all the TV cameras we brought along at random to fragment your attention! Best seat in the house? Due to the pre-game design, it is no longer in your house.

But sports and television now meet at the intersection of discomfort and bloating.

Thursday's frantic finish featured three current or former closers instead of the usual two, regardless of the pitch called Automaton in the eighth inning.

Current Yanks closer Luke Weaver and former closer Clay Holmes allowed four hits, a home run each.

Coming into the game early out of desperation, Cleveland starter Emmanuel Clase allowed three hits, including two home runs. Another postseason single-game record: three closers, all of whom allowed at least one home run.

Cleveland ultimately sent Pedro Avila, the official winner. He allowed two walks in his one inning. He had replaced Andrew Walters, who had allowed no baserunners and struck out Juan Soto, so Walters had to leave.

But that's another matter. Mickey Mantle's World Series records and totals were all wiped out by the compilation of 21st century players, starting with wild card games, according to MLB's Hype TV partners!

Or as an ESPN graphic once put it: Bobby Thomson hit a home run “to win the 1951 NLCS.”

The game between the Yanks and the Guardians on Thursday was, at least from what we saw of it, a game for the ages. So does the television show: The Stone Age.

I can't avoid Spike no matter how hard you try

Reader Michael Mattice recognizes Spike Lee as the attention-hungry, NBA- and now WNBA-game-invading, Bozo-equipped front-row “sports fan” who is a must-see on the Yankees' postseason telecasts for a scene that…

“I just opened my mailbox and Spike Lee popped out! He’s everywhere!”

Does one of the TV backs recall the 2012 episode in which Lee carelessly tweeted the Florida address he believed to be the residence of George Zimmerman, who was killed in the shooting of 17-year-old African-American Trayvon Martin was arrested?

What was Lee's motive? Let vigilantes shoot Zimmerman or just let his house burn down?

In each case, Lee broadcast the false address nationwide. This selectively blind advocate for racial justice, thereby inspiring terror among the fawning media, had targeted an elderly couple, the McClains.

While you and I would have been widely condemned had our careers ended for what Lee did, Lee got off with an “oops” and an undisclosed settlement. Then it was back to screaming “racism” and having your self-proclaimed spoiled brat in the front row at nationally televised ball games.

Lee didn't care, but Zimmerman was acquitted of second-degree murder.

I guess the thing we can't miss would be too rude to mention on air, but Cleveland first baseman Josh Naylor is listed as 5-foot-10 and 250 pounds, even by civilian standards. is fat. But the truth must not be told.

Reminds us of ESPN's handling of the two-year crime wave — at least 25 arrests, one of them for vehicular homicide — of the Georgia soccer team. Given that Georgia is a business partner of ESPN through ESPN's ownership of the SEC Network, ESPN is being extraordinarily stupid – even for ESPN.

Now that Peyton Manning endorses just about anything — he now appears in television commercials touting Bush's baked beans — he's willing to endorse a product that reduces bloating.

Local NFL TV orders for Sunday:

Eagles-Giants, 1 p.m. on Fox: Chris Myers, ∫. Jets-Steelers, 8:20, NBC: Mike Tirico, Cris Collinsworth.

A bit like Charles Barkley blowing up after endorsing Weight Watchers (Barkley, a known problem gambler, appeared in commercials luring young men into sports betting) and ESPN's Chris Berman endorsing weight loss elixirs while in commercials for Applebee's Three Cheese Chicken Penne.

Then there's “Blackish” star Anthony Anderson in a heartfelt, celebratory public service ad on behalf of the American Diabetes Association, which also appears in ads for sugar-infused Smirnoff vodka.

Knicks owner must love oppression

Jimmy Dolan's Knicks will take advantage of sports blood and oil money to wear “Experience Abu Dhabi” patches on their various Third World jerseys this season.

Yes, definitely experience Abu Dhabi.

But given the UAE's continued poor record on basic human rights – arbitrary arrests and detentions, women as men's subservient servants and gays as undesirables – perhaps it would be best to leave this Islamist monarchy with an old oppressive one Theocracy is associated with putting an end to the look-away pass.

But the NBA, cloaked in altruism, and its biggest stars — including the jerky, picky, justice-for-all LeBron James — will choose communist Chinese TV and merchandise money and Arab oil and blood money over real pro-democracy altruism every time.

And now, as Red China prepares to invade democratic Taiwan, what is Adam Silver's plan? Whose life doesn't matter?

Mendy Rudolph, come back to us! What I miss most about how the NBA and college basketball offenses ignore travel (stepping) and handballing (dribbling from underneath to make the cut to the basket easier or beat tight defenses so much easier) violations are the tell-all ones Hand signals from the referees.

Palming was shown as it was – dribbling from below or too far to the side. Traveling was signaled by a rotation of the arms at chest level.

The indelicate term on the circuit for this is “bridge jumpers” – those who place big bets on favorites at odds to earn a return of 10 or 20 cents for every two dollars wagered.

In the four-person $100,000 Chllingworth Stakes tournament Oct. 5 at Santa Anita, Sweet Azteca went 1-9. Due to the small field there were only win and place bets, but how could a bridge jumper lose a big place bet on a prohibitive favorite?

Sweet Azteca, that's for sure, came fourth – last. The best horse, Irish Wahnie, paid a whopping $74 to come second in a four-in-hand race.

I'm going to share this with you, and only you, because you've read this far:

I know someone who knows one who says the key to the Jets' game on Sunday is that their defense “has to get off the field.” Remember: Just between us.